June 4, 2006
Here's the 'official transcript' of my standup set on Bill Bronner's 'Free Speech Show,' from the Living Room on June 4th.
It'll be available soon at the website, but what the fuh, you weren't there, so read what I said.
The other guests, Ebi Parker, Lori Buckley, and Rick Overton were all funny and inventive. We basically hooked up and laughed from 5:30 to 9 o'clock. But I don't have their shit, so read mine.....
I figured since this is the "Hypocrisy in America" show, I would debut my new song.
(Sung to the Tune of, "Oh Hanukkah")
Hypocrisy Hypocrisy We Like the Minority
Let's Have Democracy - With Only Two Parties
One is For the Rich Folks, Who Hate Immigrants
One is For Exploiters, Of Our Ignorance
And While We. Are Voting
Our Vote's Being Changed Over Night
One Company, Controls All the Machines
And They Don't Have Any
Oversight. Oversight.
One Company, Controls All The Machines
And They Don't Have Any
Oversight.
I've got three main groups who's hypocrisy pisses me off.
At the top of the hyprocrisy chart has to be Fox News- where fair and balanced must refer to skin tone and Rupert Murdoch's bank account. People talk about the chicken and egg theory, well I wonder about the Fox and Bush theory. Which came first? What would be different, is if instead of Tony Snow going to the Bush administration - Murdoch should have hired Bush to read the news. Then when he's saying, "strategerizing" and "newkuler"and "Fool me once shame, shame by Evelyn Champagne King, Fool me twice, uh three times a lady," he could win a Peabody Award, you know, like Bill O'reilly did. The only silver lining is that their names are so ripe for ridicule. Bill O'reilly. Shrill and Slimy. Britt Hume. Shit Fume. Sean Hannity. Cro Magnum Man.
But really if they weren't #1 in cable news, who would give a shit? But since they are, you can say they put the hip in hyprocrisy, and it's not just some corny pun or aside.
The Other Folks who piss me off with their hypocrisy? People who say they're against affirmative action - except in the NBA - where every team must have at least two white players - or as the owners call them - fan favorites.
You watch the NBA - has there ever been a white player that wasn't smart? Oh Luke Walton - Have you seen his, ahem, game? Here's the announcer, "Walton, gets the pass, shoots from the corner, misses off the rim. Oh he's so smart. He knew to run back on defense as soon as soon as the ball left his hand. If he's such an intelligent player, then how come he never knows where his shot's gonna richochet, get the rebound, and pass it to Kobe so we can score?
Mark Madsen. Dancing. Play that for the terrorists, the war would be over. His jump shot is a weapon of mass destruction. That guy in Utah, Greg Ostertag? About as useful as a flat ball.
And then we have the people who determine for me what is important. (I fumble when I can't think of what to call them). For instance. I voted. I really did. I voted. I was one of the 230 million people who voted not to watch American Idol. It's an insult to microphones.
So why do I know that the winner was.......Taylor. Love Child of Bill Clinton and Howard Dean? Dude's got about as much
soul as North Korea. He makes Michael McDonald look like Little Richard.
You'd think if I changed the channel, that the next channel would know that I'm watching them because I don't care about 'American Idol.' So why are they all reporting on the winner of 'American Idol?' If I wanted to know about 'American Idol', I wouldn't have switched to your station.
So maybe the answer is to get further outside of the box. Instead of being on the outside looking in, we need to, like Henry Rollins said, "be on the outside with our backs turned."
I'll see you in the big money round.
